A failure and a fraud?

Where has Katie been?

No, I haven’t been fishing and I’m not trying to in this post either.

The fact of the matter is that I don’t want you all at home in the states to think that there is this righteous little missionary girl out here doing a wonderful job teaching and always loving her students and enjoying God every second of her life in trial or blessings.

I am a sinner.

The other day I didn’t pray in class because I was frustrated with God for giving me this class to teach in the first place, a class that seems to never pay attention and/or understand. Sometimes I walk into my seventh period class and commit myself to being stern and never smile because I’m tired, physically as well as emotionally and mentally. Of course, I can’t begin to tell you the number of times I’ve judged or played favorites. Maybe that’s partly why it seems to always be the same kids on detention. I already have my nukumach kids labeled. It reminds me of the scarlet letter.

Then there’s the roommate situation. I complain about her differences and hardly ever say “thank you” when she does something kind. I never go outside and play with her like she always asks.

And then there are my insides and my own mind and heart issues that I have to deal with every second.

Yes, so much of me thinks there is someone else way better suited for this calling. Not just someone more eligible in degrees earned or experience had, but also someone… well, someone more righteous.

Luke 17:7-10
“Will any one of you who has a servant plowing or keeping sheep say to him when he has come in from the field, ‘Come at once and recline at table’? Will he not rather say to him, ‘Prepare supper for me, and dress properly, and serve me while I eat and drink, and afterward you will eat and drink’? Does he thank the servant because he did what was commanded? So you also, when you have done all that you were commanded, say, ‘We are unworthy servants; we have only done what was our duty.’”

I am saved from God’s just wrath on me by His grace through the blood of Jesus Christ.

I am also sanctified by that same grace. I do not deserve heaven. But I also do not deserve to be made more like Christ. Do you know what being made more like Christ results in? Joy! I do not deserve joy. But by God’s unmerited favor according to His steadfast love, He sanctifies.

And so… serving in His Kingdom is by His grace. I am not worthy to even be a servant.

God, why did you choose me?

1 Corinthians 1:26-31
“For consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God. He is the source of your life in Christ Jesus, whom God made our wisdom and our righteousness and sanctification and redemption. Therefore, as it is written, ‘Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord.’”

And from Hosea 11:9
“…for I am God and not a man…”

So I am saved, sanctified, and in service because of His grace.

I was listening to a song the other day and some of the words really impacted me…
“there is a house that mercy built
with blood and tears
we’ve nothing left to fear
we live in grace
here in the safe embrace of God”

Prayer requests:
1. For my faith to grow!
2. To always act in love, selflessly pursuing other people.
3. For impartiality.
4. That my students may see a sinner saved by grace, that they may see joy in me.
5. For purity and righteousness in all aspects of my life.
6. To praise the God of mercy and grace in all circumstances!

And 7. To e-mail all the people that I haven't responded to yet! Trust me, you are not the only one!

boo

by the end of the school week, i need a break. thirty minutes into saturday, however, i am so bored. esp. when it is rainy and i can't go outside. being inside the dark house is so dreary.

The "I Don't Understand" Game and The Secret Language (At least it was a secret to me)

Have any of y'all seen that old Steve Martin movie where he pretends to be mentally handicapped, so that everyone waits on him hand and foot? Well...perhaps some of the students are doing some pretending of their own. I'm not saying that lack of English skills isn't a barrier, but perhaps it's being used as an excuse. I had given an assignment in Art class where the students had to read some information and answer a few questions. Most of the Junior boys, as is typical, did not do the assignment. I have often figured that 1/2 of this is for lack of understanding. However, Thursday I had detention duty, and 3 of these boys were on detention-what a perfect opportunity for them to catch up on their classwork. I told them they had to finish the assignment, and when they were finished I would probably let them leave. They did the work almost flawlessly! And quickly, too! I told them, "Game's over!" Now, I know that they are competent in English (at least reading).

Ok, not all communication is in words. For example:

Me: Ricky II, why aren't you working? Do you understand what to do?
Ricky II: *raises eyebrows*
Me: Get out your pencil. Do you have a pencil?
Ricky II: *raises eyebrows*
Me: Ricky II, do you need to borrow a pencil?
Ricky II: *takes out a pencil*
Me: (Now he has a pencil??? I explain what to do again...)

Conversations like this had been taking place for weeks. I was thinking, ok, these students just doesn't understand me or they are just rude not to answer me. Then, a few informants interpreted for me:

Me: Peter, did you finish your work?
Peter: *raises eyebrows*= "yes"
Me: Do you have a pencil?
Peter: *raises eyebrows* = "yes"

Ha! So now I raise my eyebrows at them and tell them "Aap!" ("no") and ask if I am confusing them.

Anyone wanna go for a swim at Ana's Resort? Don't worry, there's not too much trash.

We didn't catch a boat, but the boys bball team made us breakfast!

A frog was in my bedroom this morning!

Far too much writing would need to be done to keep y’all ‘posted’. Weekend of the 7th we had a surprise visit from Manuel and MeHam and their daughters, Luca and Yona (I don’t know how to spell any of these names). They are Bible professors at a Bible college on another island. He is German-American raised here in Chuuk. She is Korean, but lived in Germany while she was younger. They met at Bible college in Germany. They took us on an island tour and to dinner at Truk Stop. Very good friends – I will post pictures later. They have invited us to Pacific Island Bible College’s ‘retreat’ this coming weekend, and if we can arrange to get a boat, I think we’ll go. Also, they (mostly she…hehe) has invited us to Korea at the beginning of the summer! She will be going to visit her family. Then, they’ll be going to Hawaii, the States (including San Diego and Kansas), and Germany. She would also like us to go to Germany for Christmas. Haha. Go figure that Manuel’s brother lives in Kansas and also, there is a Chuukese church in KC. KMCers, go check it out for me! I think it would be so fun, great, wonderful to send one of the recent grads or c/o 2007 to KC to study, and I know some people that would make great friends. :)

Ok, what else…This past weekend was Senior Retreat…what an adventure. It started with dinner on Friday night, Chapel messages, then…eventually… “lights out”…yeah, right. Unfortunately, one of the girls, Smaileen, had some sort of seizure during the night. She has been sick quite a bit since school started, and is actually failing classes mostly due to her absences. The girls woke us up because she was obviously having trouble breathing – had we been in the states, we would have called 911, but here there was no power and no phones. One of the other teachers was there and she seemed to think it was epilepsy, but the whole situation was quiet unsettling especially because it was experienced in another cultural setting. The other girls were all comforting her and holding her, but also talking about “Satan”. Of course, this was unnerving because we know the spiritual forces of evil are very real, but we weren’t sure whether the girls were joking. Apparently, Irene had asked the girls whether they were saved just before bed, and Smaileen had said she didn’t want to talk about it because it scared her. Eventually, she was resting normally again, and when she woke up, she seemed fine. Monday, however, she was in the hospital and we prayed for her in chapel at school. She had asked me to pray for her before because of some problems with her liver. Please, pray for the physical and spiritual health of Smaileen.

Katie and I had hoped the weekend would be an opportunity to get closer to some of the girls, but I don’t know how effective that was – at least with the girls that we particularly feel are hostile to us, doing poorly in classes, and disinterested. Perhaps some of this can be attributed to lack of English language skills. Please, pray for all our senior girls: Doralyn (beautiful smile), Evangeline (New to Mizpah), Ermy (perhaps and ally), Sumantha (very quiet, from a broken home), Arlyne (another ally), F-Cina (like the mother of the group-she takes care of the other girls), Imaculata (very shy, having family problems), Gina and Mickleen (two that seem the most difficult to reach)…and Narcisa (just moved to Hawaii to be with her parents).

So that should leave 15 boys: Way-one (wants to go to BYU), Franky (TMC or Pensacola?), KI (smart and kind, but ALWAYS calls out), Alvin (needs some MOTIVATION), Job (loves Jesus, broken family), Ray (Filipino missionaries’ son), Frank (very, very hard heart, “doesn’t care about his life”), Russel (abusive family situation), Serky (cares about basketball, very sensitive), Randy (trying really hard, needs help with English), Burnson (very quiet, needs help with English), Ricky II (could try harder, needs help with English), Rick (working hard, needs help with English), Foley (in love with his American teachers, needs to work harder), Isaiah (needs to sit down, be quiet and do his work, but a smart and friendly fellow).

And after you have all them smothered in prayers maybe my days will be easier! J Pray for me, too. I need LOVE for them demonstrated through patience and kindness. Also, I need WISDOM, especially in the classroom. I need CREAVITE IDEAS for teaching. Aaaaaaaah! About ½ my students are failing, and I’m sure ½ that is my fault. Pray for us! Thank You!

Also, if you'd like to send a care-package, these are some things I'd like for my students: charcoal pencils, mechanical pencils, 'regular' pencils, rulers, pencil sharpeners (that catch the shavings), erasers, colored pencils, hard candies (chocolate?), folders/binders.

It's amazing what 17 & 18 year old boys will do for a piece of candy or a new pencil!

After 1 month and 2 1/2 weeks, fatigue is setting in, my sleep pattern is starting to change from 8 hours to 12!?!? I have to stay after school on Thursday's to be the wicked witch of detention, but I have also been staying after other days of the week to help some students pull up their grades before the quarter closes next week. The one 'special' thing that i don't need, but think would truly be helpful is a projector for the computer. Might sound strange when I often complain about the power being out, but the school has a generator. I am (obviously) a visually oriented person and would love to put power point presentations up for my students. Also, I think this would be helpful for them because their listening comprehension is so poor. Admittedly, it could be improved simply by paying attention, but 1/2 of the problem is lack of language skills.

Sometimes our toilet doesn't flush. Nasty, right? One time after it was acting up and started to flush again, Katie sang, "Praise God from whom all blessings flow."

update from k.

why am i here?

i asked my students this question in four junior and senior classes last tuesday.

students – “to teach us.”
miss katie – “why else?”
students – “to help us learn.”
miss katie – “but why did i come here?”
eventually…
students – “because God told you to come here.”
miss katie – “that’s right.”
students – “and you came.”
miss katie – “why did i come?”
eventually…
students – “because you love us.”
miss katie – “and why do i love you?”
eventually…
students – “because God loves us.”

so… why am i here?

i am here to love my students that are each unique creations of God and to share with them the saving grace of Jesus Christ.

*****

today in chapel vice talked about the calling of the first disciples. andrew went and called his brother.

i am so extremely grateful for emily. thank you, Lord!

*****

classes…

sophomore New Testament survey:
this is my largest class and can get pretty chaotic sometimes. overall most of them want to do well and so they will stick to their work. they even are getting the hang of asking questions which i’m really thankful for. in a few weeks we’ll finish the overview of the gospels and the life of Christ. the content is the best to teach in the whole world.

senior reg./junior ap/junior reg. english:
the assignment was to 1) draw a fictitious character, 2) write three paragraphs describing the face, body, and environment of the character, and 3) read a classmate’s paragraphs and, without looking at their picture, draw the character that they wrote about. it was so hilarious!!! my favorite was russell’s. he had drawn a picture of “triton” and had three little orange fish swimming in the ocean with him. then russell wrote in his paragraph about the three orange friends of triton. so when serky came to that part of russell’s description, serky drew three orange “friends” which were little orange people stick figures! it was adorable. you can imagine how all the rest of them turned out. …we’ve done some topic sentence structuring but we will continue working on it. my junior regulars still need a lot of help in basic sentence structure. pray for them.

senior ap english:
they’re learning how to take notes. they’re fairly good writers (when they want to be) but they are horrible note takers. it’s coming along. they now have listened to the story of lazarus and the story of achan from my Bible on cd. they take notes and then write a summary. …these guys took my speech class last semester and the hardest thing for them was the introductions and conclusions. so we’re starting some intensive work on those soon.

*****

as usual, thank you so much for your interest and even more importantly for your prayers! God hears and acts and He is so overwhelmingly gracious. He loves people so much.

Last Weekend: Welcome Back Party and Gospel Sunday

The phone line has been busted and, therefore, internet. The last post was pictures from the "Back to School Party" last Friday. Classes were cancelled and students came for a student-run program and a feast, my first Micronesian feast. They brought me a plate piled high with rice dyed yellow, pasta salad, hot dog, potato salad, rice noodles with kimchi flavoring, grilled chicken and one whole, large fish likely uncooked. I proceeded to scoot the plate to the middle of the table figuring it was the serving dish, but was quickly corrected. ALL of that food was for me. Custom is whatever you don't finish you take home. Luckily, however, they realized my disinterest in the fish and brought me a fish-less serving. :)

These few pics are from "Gospel Sunday", last Sunday at Logan Memorial Church. What an exciting idea. Gospel Sunday is the celebration of the day the Gospel came to the Island. There was singing and story-telling, and a short re-enactment of the missionaries coming by boat etc. The service was 3 hours long!!! And Katie and I understood about 3 words, but it was a blessing nevertheless - the music, the festivities etc. And, of course, another feast.

The other few pics are, obviously, the beloved LK (Little Katie), SD (San Diego), and LA (Los Angeles). Little SD, the girl dog, is being courted by Principal's dog, Lucky, and we really wish lucky would GO AWAY! He is quite the mangy mutt and causing a disturbance - even got in a fight with LA and LA had to limp around for two days! Lucky runs when he sees me coming! Haha. I'm top dog in this town.