Katie and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

I couldn’t go to sleep last night for various reasons. I woke up when my alarm went off but my snooze button has a glitch in it, so I didn’t get up until an hour and a half later – thirty minutes before I needed to be at school.

Many of my sophomores started going crazy when I tried to get them settled for a test – a test they knew on Monday that they would have, we’ve reviewed for the past few days, and material we’ve been studying since the beginning of the semester. First, I told them that they had to take it today, no excuses. They started complaining horrendously. To try and give some grace, I said that they could take it next Tuesday if they really wanted to but that I would mark their grade down by one score for not being ready today and it would be a different test from the ones the students were taking today. Then a few of them said that I was really horrible and mean and don’t know how to forgive and be kind and love. Then when I finally had them settled enough for the ones that were ready to take the test, there was still a lot of talking going on – and I mean a lot – and I finally just yelled, “No! No! Be quiet!” They were stunned (for one minute) and even said, “Wow, Miss, that’s the first time you’ve ever been angry.” Of course, that made my mind go wild because I don’t know how many times I’ve cried because of that class before. The more annoying thing about this predicament was that I know that the people that are waiting until Tuesday to take the test are still not going to study or if they do look at their notes I don’t know what they would be looking at because none of them have done the work the past two weeks. So now I’m upset with myself for even letting them get away with taking it on Tuesday because it’s not helpful for anyone.

During break I went to Customs to get some papers signed so I could retrieve my packages from my mom. When I got to the post office, I realized that the Customs’ office gave me back the original and a copy of only one of the packages instead of giving me back the two different copies for each package. Of course, I didn’t have enough time to go back to Customs to get the other paper. Pray that it will not be a hassle when I try to go tomorrow!

The package that I did get wasn’t the lost one from December with my camera in it.

Of course, when I got home and opened the package hoping for something to improve my day I realized that the package wasn’t for me at all but for some other missionaries on the island that my mom was sending stuff to.

In my JrAP class, DS refuses to do his work and he makes me more upset than other students because he’s smart and talented and, I believe, a committed Christian.

Then I had another test to give in my JrReg class. That was pretty horrible with lots of cheating going on, but I don’t know what to do.

Then I had detention duty which is always depressing.

When I came home, hoping to “get away from it all” I was greeted with an e-mail which had some poignant news for me.

I tired to ignore everything in my head and so I watched a movie and downed some popcorn. That didn’t work.

I went to my room, shut the door, and cried.

“Why God? Why don’t I ever learn? How come I don’t know how to do things? How come I let my feelings get the best of me? Why aren’t my students being saved left and right when that’s what we want for them? Why is it that it seems like all my prayers are answered with a resounding “no” or that you’re waving the answer “yes” in front of me but just out of my reach, never allowing me to obtain that which I ask for? How come it seems like you try to teach me the same lessons over and over again? Why do sometimes I think You’ve sanctified me so much and other times I think I am exactly the same as before? Why am I even crying and complaining when there are so many other people in the world that have so many more terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days than I have?”

So I read my Bible…
“The law of the Lord is perfect, reviving the soul; the testimony of the Lord is sure, making wise the simple; the precepts of the Lord are right, rejoicing the heart; the commandment of the Lord is pure, enlightening the eyes; the fear of the Lord is clean, enduring forever; the rules of the Lord are true, and righteous altogether: More to be desired are they than gold, even much fine gold; sweeter also than honey and drippings of the honeycomb.” (Psalm 19:7-10)
“May he grant you your heart’s desire and fulfill all your plans! May we shout for joy over your salvation, and in the name of our God set up our banners! May the Lord fulfill all your petitions! Now I know that the Lord saves his anointed; he will answer him from his holy heaven with the saving might of his right hand. Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God. They collapse and fall, but we rise and stand upright.” (Psalm 20:4-8)

And I listened to some music…
“Jesus will still be there/His love will never change/Sure as a steady rain/Jesus will be still be there/When no one else is true/He’ll still be loving you/When it looks like you’ve lost it all/And you haven’t got a prayer/Jesus will still be there”

“Jesus, I my cross have taken/All to leave and follow Thee/Destitute, despised, forsaken/Thou from hence my all shall be/Perish every fond ambition/All I’ve sought or hoped or known/Yet how rich is my condition/God and Heaven are still my own…
Go then earthly fame and treasure/Come disaster, scorn and pain/In Thy service pain is pleasure/With Thy favor loss is gain/I have called Thee Abba Father/I have stayed my heart on Thee/Storms may howl and clouds may gather/All must work for good to me”

And I prayed.

Later I wrote an e-mail to a friend that’s going through some rough times of her own…
“Everything’s better with Jesus. I’m not saying it because I live it out, but because He’s teaching me that it’s true. So many things have been flip-flopped and a whole bunch of things went “wrong” today. I put wrong in quotes because that’s from my perspective and not from God’s. There are millions of people that have things way worse in this world; I should be grateful for the things He has blessed me with and not gripe about the things that, from my eyes, He withholds. The fact is, we only deserve one thing and that’s His wrath – praise Him for withholding that! Maybe we’re right where God wants us. A place that forces us to seek after Him and want Him and know that He is our only answer and the only thing we’re left with. Somehow He will heal us and continue to grow us into the people that He wants us to be. …Today especially, I know where you’re coming from.”

I still have lots of questions for my Lord about prayer and sanctification and blessings based on righteousness or completely on His will… please, pray with me as God wraps His arms around me and gives me peace.