Our Notes

Katie's Notes

CHUUK WOMEN’S CONFERENCE
SESSION FIVE

I. Definition of Purity
A. What it IS
1. the will of God (1 Thes. 4:3-8)
a. to be sanctified, made holy, like Christ
b. to have self-control (Fruit of the Spirit)
2. God’s perfect design for His creation (Gen 2:24)
a. 1 man
b. 1 woman
c. 1 marriage
3. staying away from sexual immorality
B. What it is NOT
1. sexual immorality (Gal. 5:19; Eph. 5:5; Col. 3:5, Heb. 13:4)
a. immoral – any form of wrong sexual behavior
(1) fornication – sex before you’re married
(2) adultery – sex with someone other than your spouse
(3) homosexuality – sex with someone of the same gender
b. anything that will lead to such behavior (1 Cor. 6:18)
2. lustful thoughts (Mat. 5:27-30, 15:19)
a. even thoughts are serious
b. Jesus tells us to take drastic measures to
prevent this
3. lasting joy and peace
a. moment of physical pleasure
b. guilt and shame
(1) for you
(2) for your future spouse (or current
spouse)

II. Biblical Examples
A. Joseph – GOOD (Gen. 39)
1. Recognizes sin – before you get in a situation know what is okay and what is not okay
2. Stays away from tempting situations.
3. Flees – runs away as fast as he can.
** Remember, Kim said that no one is perfect and that even Christians sin.
B. King David – BAD (2 Sam. 11:1-4, 27)
1. David wasn’t where God wanted him to be.
2. David took baby steps into sin.
C. King David – GOOD (2 Sam. 12:13-14, Psalm 51:1-4)
1. Confess.
2. Repent.
3. God forgives us. (1 John 1:9)

Emily to answer specific questions.

Emily's Notes:

1. Is dating a good thing for teenagers?

If “dating” is building friendships with guys in group settings, yes, “dating” is a good way to practice communication skills and relating to guys.

If dating is spending time alone with a guy, it is NOT a good idea. It will likely lead to an emotionally or physically intimate relationship that would be wrong outside of marriage. Also, it is not good for young people who are not spiritually, emotionally, academically and financially read to consider marriage to be pursuing this kind of relationship.


2. What if my future husband is not pure?

If your future husband is not pure, that will be a difficulty in your relationship, but you can forgive him, just as God forgives him.

3. Is it good for two people to be together if they stay pure?

It might be good. Be careful! Serious relationships are usually not a good idea at a young age because they are likely to end in heartbreak. You and he may change a lot in the next few years, especially with big changes like going to college. The most important thing is to grow in your maturity with the Lord and trust Him to bring the right person AT THE RIGHT TIME!

4. If I’ve been kissed, am I still pure?

That is a personal question. Did kissing cause you to think impure thoughts? Did it develop emotions that are too strong for someone who isn’t ready to get married? That is a boundary you need to set for yourself, but my advice is to save your kisses for your spouse-this is a way to FLEE temptation. Instead of asking, “How far can I go?” We should ask, “How pure can I be?”

5. What can I say if my boyfriend asks me to have sex with him?

NO! He should not by your boyfriend if he asks you to have sex with him. He is not looking out for your best interest if he wants you to have sex with him. He is being selfish. If you think it is okay to have a boyfriend, you should have one that cares about following God and helping to keep you both pure.






6. Is it true that having sex will make love between two people grow strong and last forever?

God designed sex to unite two people in a VERY strong and SPECIAL relationship, but sex outside of marriage is NOT God’s design, and will NOT lead to strong and lasting love. Instead, it will likely lead to shame and sadness. It could also lead to sexually transmitted diseases, HIV and AIDS, or unwanted pregnancy.


7. Is it okay to date more than one guy?

Again this depends on what you mean by “date.” I don’t think you should spend time alone with any guys! It is important to be honest. Do NOT let one guy think he is having a special friendship with you if you are secretly having the same type of relationship with someone else.

8. Is it good to date a non-Christian?

NEVER! It is NEVER good to date a non-Christian. People who date fall in love and people who fall in love usually want to get married! You do not want to date (or think about dating) a non-Christian because you do NOT want to marry a non-Christian. You want to marry someone who has the same beliefs and ideas about living life that you do. If Christ is the most important person in your life, it is VERY important that Christ is the most important person in his life, too. If you are dating a non-Christian, you are showing that you love yourself more than you love the Lord. Also, you cannot have a REAL relationship with someone if you are trying to change them. Only God can change a person’s heart to love Him. Not only should you wait for a Christian, but a guy who is running after the Lord as fast and strong as you are! I heard before that you should run with all your heart to the Lord, and one day, you may look over and see a guy who is running as fast and hard as you are.

9. Is my boyfriend going to hate me if I don’t kiss him?

He might! But that just means he doesn’t respect you and you don’t want him to be your boyfriend anyway! If you’re going to have a boyfriend, choose someone that respects your standards and your desire to be pure and follow God.

10. What if my boyfriend wants to marry me?

You still need to STAY pure! Protect yourself from the temptation to have sex before you are actually married. Also, be sure you are right with the Lord, pray, seek counsel from your family and maybe a pastor who knows your boyfriend. Is he someone that you think you could honor and respect for the rest of your life? Does he demonstrate a love for God and you? Is he a person that shows responsibility-would you trust him to take care of you and your family? If not, you two need to go your separate ways.

11. What is the purpose of dating?

A wrong purpose for dating is to enjoy the feelings of being in love when you are not ready for lasting commitment or marriage. The problem is not enjoying romance, but taking it outside of God’s design. God wants romantic love to be between one man and one woman who get married because those feelings are supposed to lead to a physical relationship. If you are seriously ready to consider marriage, a better purpose for dating would be to find and get to know someone that you might marry.


12. Is it okay to date someone who is married?

NEVER. And why would you want to date him anyway? He is obviously a selfish person because he wants to have a wife and a girlfriend. Think about how you would be hurting his marriage and family. You would be dishonoring God’s design.

13. What do I do if I know my boyfriend has another girlfriend?

Be honest. If you thought it was a special relationship with only you, tell him. If you tell him that he hurt you, and he doesn’t apologize or change, move on! You deserve someone better!

14. How can I know a guy loves me?

To truly love you the best way, he first needs to know the true love of God the Father. If he is a Christian and he is showing that he loves you, he will be protecting your purity and looking out for your best interest. He will show that he loves you with action. Do not be fooled by someone who SAYS he loves you, but consistently speaks mean words or does mean things to you.

15. When should I come home from a date?

BEFORE you are tempted! Remember, it is not a good idea to spend time alone with a guy, especially in the dark. Also, you should come home when your parents tell you to!

16. Do men stay pure too?

Yes, some men, who are following God’s plan for their lives, stay pure. Other men may not stay pure. ALL men and women are commanded by God to stay pure.

17. Is daydreaming bad?

If it is making you think lustful thoughts, yes. It may also be bad if you are daydreaming about a certain guy and your feelings for him are growing too strong. Remember, your first love should be Christ. You should spend the MOST time with the Lord.

18. Is holding hands okay?

This is a personal decision according to what it means to you and what it makes you feel. If it makes you want to touch him more and more, maybe it is better not to touch at all. Also, is it culturally acceptable and if your mother knew you were doing it, would she think it was okay? Remember, the Bible says honor your father and mother!



19. What can we do on a date that won’t cause temptation?

Probably anything in a group. Also, try to pick things that help you get to know the other person. (Watching a movie together does not help you to know his personality and values.) Try to DO things-maybe a service project, a youth group event, a picnic with friends, or sports.

20. Is it sinful for married women to lose their purity?

Yes, we should stay pure even after we are married. But having sex with your husband is NOT impure. God designed and wants sex to be a wonderful experience, which draws you and your husband together. Remember, impurity is having (or thinking about having) sex before marriage, sex with someone who is not your spouse or sex with someone of the same gender.

21. Why do we have to keep our purity if the guys we’re going to marry fool around?

Because God said so! He did NOT say, “You only have to stay pure if he does.” God is not trying to keep you from having FUN – he wants you to have the MOST fun and pleasure. You will have the BEST experience if you follow God’s design.